The Church of the Lunar Carrot
The Church of the Lunar Carrot was established in 1957 by an American by the name of Randy Hornmeister. Randy was born in Wuppa City, Louisiana in 1940 and went to a strict catholic boarding school until the age of 15. The young Randy rebelled against his strict catholic upbringing and joined a soft porn film company as a film extra. In a recent interview with Jerry Springer on US television, Randy claimed to have had a dream in which a giant carrot shaped alien told him that humans were decended from them and that they lived on the moon. “They were like, you know, orange and errr, they had funny black eyes” said Randy. “There was this one err, alien and err, he said they were our ancestors.” he said. The Church of the Lunar Carrot relies entirely on charitable donations from its followers and built it’s first church in 1996. The church is in the Handsworth area of Birmingham, England and was paid for by Viscount Marcus of Dryden who is their greatest benefactor.
The Church of the Lunar Carrot practice some very bizarre and often obscene rituals involving root vegetables. To the followers of the Church of the Lunar Carrot, all root vegetables are sacred with the carrot being the most sacred of all root vegetables. The most sacred ritual of the Lunar Carrot year is the Orange Moon Festival which is celebrated at the full moon by a ritual that appears to consist almost entirely of naked dancing and unusual ritual use of root vegetables.